What I've been working on

For the last week I've been working on art stuffs, exploring my styles, understanding erroneous and successful technique along the way. Here are a few of my results.

A work in progress. Doodle with calligraphy ink on drawing card stock.

Poppies. First finished canvas with acrylic, copper leafing, and calligraphy ink.

Mountain vista. Watercolour on sketch paper.

Do let me know whatcha think. Any feedback is appreciated!

If Things Were Like My Brain...

I would be Boss Nova, mad vocalist and Casio harmonizer in a psychofunkabilly band called Nightmare Bear. But even sounding so ruthless, our music would be like if Devo and Reverend Horton Heat ate a buffet of Isaac Hayes. We'd wear undergarments made of goose feathers, and I would have the most kickass stage footwear, like go-go rollerskate-boots and those tennis shoes we had when we were kids that blink when you step. And I would be dating Steve Martin, Patrick Stewart, and Jeff Goldblum at the same time.

*Sigh* And I dream.

Full of Todays

I've always been a 'busy body' (not to be confused with "busybody"), active and energetic, prone to laugh fits. Also quite anxious and easily taken by cabin fever. Which is why I've started crafting again. Sewing, in particular, is one of the very few things I know of that I can focus on effortlessly, and that actually relaxes me. I don't know why exactly. Perhaps because it was one of those activities I learnt I could do at home and not be bothered, like drawing or reading. Or because I've always preferred manual activities that allowed me to build or design something. Like a blank canvas for my imagination to explore and shape, unravel and piece together in my own way.

But, still out of a job, and without monetary means to make much more progress on crafts, I'm left with monotony--the state in which days blur together, undistinguished by happenings, weeks vaguely strung along by one's basic understanding of how time works. My mental calendar would look like a blank page with some rudimentary visual structure that would imply a grid, lines missing and shifted.

When this happens, it's very easy to fixate on things one shouldn't fixate on, and get caught up in little dramas in your head. That's pretty much what my Todays have been like.

When I came back from India, I relayed to a friend who inquired about how I was doing, that my brain felt like a very dark place with something wild scratching and pacing around inside. That something hasn't died yet, and though it's weaker now than it was, I worry sometimes that I'm secretly keeping it alive. People hold onto what's known to them, and I know a lot of horrific things now. When I was younger and in hard times, I remember I used to tell myself to suck it up and just deal. "So many people have it worse," I would say. But at least I had lived those hard times; it was familiar to me, and I'd understood how to cope. It's a very different story when you see and hear and feel things that you realise you've never truly known, and then must find some human way of taking it all in, rebuilding yourself, and unveiling that to the people you've known, the job you've had, the world you've been living in.

Ah well. Gotta keep on keepin' on somehow 'til I figure it out.



What Becomes of the Brokenhearted - Jimmy Ruffin

I found this picture tagged on Facebook from a friend's visit to the zoo and misread the signage. Removed from context, it inspired in me a variety of fictitious and comedic scenarios...

FEATURE
Incentivized leisure is U.S.'s ticket out

Visitors and employees alike enjoy membership perks offered to combat the erroneous financial conservation spurred by recession. (Woodland Park Zoo, Seattle, WA.)



SEATTLE, Wa.--In our economic crisis, many Americans are being forced to trim their leisure expenditures. But recent fiscal analysis shows a direct correlation between domestic market simulus and propensity of money squandering.

Animal lovers in particular have proven a consistent indicator of overall growth. (Beinder-Woopie, 2008) One incentive for visitors of Seattle's Woodland Park Zoo this holiday season includes a complimentary bird with each zoo membership. The sign, however, warns one to "Please be careful where you step birds on ground" (see above), though it is a bit misleading; Woodland advises its members to be careful where on the ground they step their birds, as one could mistakenly trip into a pothole* (not shown). Thankfully sanitary wipes are kept on-hand should bird-stepping become too messy. Zoo employees encourage bird-stepping further from entrances and exits to ease congestion. Bird salvaging is not recommended.


*It may be noted here that "potholes" in the context of zoos actually refer to strategically placed boobie traps, camouflaged for the very small animals that attempt escape.

Wartimes much?

It may look different from the sort we're familiar with, the kind we teach our kids in class and visit at museums or heritage sites, but can anyone deny our time as one of war? Because I'd like to see better evidence of the experience than something so domestic, so casual, as the creation of militaristic and political "moe anthro" comics (unequivocably NSFW). The latter term refers to the personification of inanimate objects or concepts as "moe," the Japanese word for "budding" but which, in the context of genre and Japanese slang, generally refers to cute things with specific traits.

You know an era has truly made history when they start producing media designed around characters that represent actual, known countries relying on dialogues of stereotyped international relations and current policymaking. There's a fracking geopolitical revival spreading around...

This is one for the books, Jerry. Really one for the books.

Well, here we are.

Alright. If you were expecting a summary, then too bad. There has been too much stimuli for any one person to make sense of something like that, myself included. Therefore, in good character, I'm cutting out a considerable amount of the happenings to retain quality. Enough of you have experienced my return and PAX presence first-hand, and I have images coming to explain what you've missed of my travels.

I returned from Tokyo on Wednesday, September 2, two days behind schedule thanks to extra-tropical storm Krovanh. I can't even remember whether I slept or not, but that very evening I went about constructing my rig, wherein the definition of "construct" included trips to the hardware store and part- and piece-stripping a decommissioned server I took from work.

Unfortunately the chassis of the latter would not fit my desired motherboard, and I couldn't for the life of me pry away the CPU fan. She will live tonight! I kept telling myself. She must.

Yes, this was some down-right Frankenboxing. I had the brains, more or less. But I needed a body!


Or did I? ... Thinking outside the box--as any mad scientist with an interest in bad puns does--I decided to try something different, something new. Something... unconventional.

I decided to go caseless.

Meet Kismet. Form: very little. But function? Very yes.


Oh, and then there was this small yearly gathering a bunch of my friends and I attended the weekend of my return. We call it the Penny Arcade Expo, or PAX for short. I don't suppose you've heard of it, but I can refer you to accounts of this modest occasion.

I've also spent the last couple of weeks in a haze of people, meetups, and the longest work days of my life. So, it's been almost a month since I was in foreign lands.

I've been in psychological malaise. I imagine it began overseas, but I hadn't had time to stop and notice it then. For the past four weeks it's taken hold of me and grown over my optimism, like a weed that depletes its own soil to suffocate the plants around it.

I knew there was something wrong when I found myself laughing too hard at Curb Your Enthusiasm.

But seriously. People have been asking me, "Are you okay?" And I have been giving them a straight answer: no, I'm not okay. I really need people to understand that this is true. My malaise has manifested itself in unwelcome ways. And it's only over the last couple of days that I've become aware of those ugly manifestations, and begun to understand how I can change them.

To those who are considerate, I appreciate the concern. To those who are themselves, I thank you. I have a lot to say now, and the will to write again.

Well, here we go.

Bangalore wrap-up

So I am overjoyed for two reasons:

1. For one week, starting tomorrow, we're being paired with another classmate to live with homestay families in a different part of Bangalore. I'm excited to be a part of the family and see the culture, class and gender dynamics in action. And because I'll get to help prepare meals, I'm going to bring back some spankin' culinary secrets! We were given snippets about our host family. I will be staying with Mrs. and Mr. Pratibha and Sunil Kumar and their two sons. Sunil runs an at-home software company while Pratibha, I'm told, traditionally likes to take her guests out, dress them up, and go shopping.

And...

2. I have one week and three days left in Bangalore!! Granted, it's unhealthy for me to fixate on this. I still want these last days to impress upon me. Plus, we're now meeting with another organization, the Environmental Support Group (ESG), which I am genuinely interested in. Today was our first day with them, and we learnt about their various campaigns and Bangalore's environmental and geographic history.


I'm still pretty weak from Hampi and haven't been doing much better mentally. I've been trying to reflect on the positives and what organizers here have said helps motivate them. I don't know when or if I'll be able to post before my flight back to Bangkok, so anticipate a break. I'll do the same. ;)